Tuesday, September 29, 2009
hate
you know what, I have only just realized how much I despise you. I really really curse the day you were born and you are one of the most unfortunate looking people I have ever seen. Your hair looks like it has been torn from an old mangy dogs coat and been hastily stuck on your head, left to hang in limp thin strands. No one likes you babe. Seriously give up, you will never be happy and you will never get what you want. I hope all the karma in the world shits on you so that you die in your own misfortunes. I really hate how much you have fucked up my life, and how, despite my hard work you never seem to leave it. You always have your horrid little bitches trying to get me, and find out goss and do your stupid dirty work. Your pathetic and you hide behind photo shop and 'indie clothing' You really are an absolute dog. I hate how you think you still have to get back at me for absolute nothing, and i hope you get some horrid disease from being such a slut. I will never forgive you and I will never feel remorse if something terrible happens to you. I seriously wished you would just die a slow death surrounded by all the people you have made feel like shit. you suck. Also your friends are pathetic, they are not involved and nothing is there business, they have no right to defend you, dogs dont need friends. I FUCKING HATE YOU GET FUCKED YOU MANGY DOG.
fettish
I have a secret fettish with the creatures of the deep
I secretly can not get over how amazingly cute you are, and you know who you are.
I secretly can not get over how amazingly cute you are, and you know who you are.
unknown
I love it when people call me mads, I love home cooked meals, I love going on walks by myself, I love feeling like nothing can touch me, I love being in my mothers arms, I love looking into peoples eyes, I love secrets, I love knowing someone trusts me with their secrets, I love that love doesn't scare me, I love when your around and when you kiss my forehead, I love when I am with the only two people that matter to me in the world; my two best friends, I love it when my dad sends me text messages, I love the feel of a new book, I love it when people I dont even know are kind to me, I love being so happy and content with life, I love talking with my girls and telling each other things we would never utter allowed, I love my cat and her sleeping noises while she dozes on my chest, I love going to Astrid's house and feeling like I belong there and feeling like her family is my second family, and I secretly love it when people cry, it is beautiful.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Joy!
I HAVE FINISHED MY TRIALS!
I am 100% sure I failed my maths exam, but that doesnt worry me, and I know I got high 70's for my science exam, which I am pleased with and the rest i dont even know yet. BUT STILL I AM SO RELIEVED AND I HAVE NO MORE STRESS OR STUDY OR GOING TO SCHOOL NOW FOR TWO WEEKS AND NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR JOY JOY JOY JOY!
I am happy.
I am 100% sure I failed my maths exam, but that doesnt worry me, and I know I got high 70's for my science exam, which I am pleased with and the rest i dont even know yet. BUT STILL I AM SO RELIEVED AND I HAVE NO MORE STRESS OR STUDY OR GOING TO SCHOOL NOW FOR TWO WEEKS AND NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR JOY JOY JOY JOY!
I am happy.
257
There is this girl, she catches my 8 20 bus every single morning, and she is in primary school and gets off the bus somewhere in mosman, the thing is she looks extraordinarily like Ziva off NCIS, in fact, the resemblance is quite scary. I honestly think it is only me who pays attention to these things or even notice that a child has similar qualities to an American soap opera character. If I could have one thing in this would it would be to sit that little girl down and tell her how much she resembles that woman.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
sometimes
sometimes, I mess up, I dream, I create, I write, I cry, I question, I fight, I am wrong, I disagree, I judge, I hurt, I smile, I love, I doubt, I get bored, I am happy, I joke, I blame, and sometimes I am human.
p.s
Look up, look up at the stars tonight, and tell me what you think of. Because I know that I think of how tiny we all our, put your selves into perspective, your existence means nothing. The world will not mourn your loss, time will not stand still without you and statues will not be made in your honor. We are all so small. We all live in our own self inflicted microcosms. I am done with your opinions. We are all the same, I am sick of reading "i am unique" on your profiles, no you are not; for everything has been done before us, everything has been said and dreamed and thought and experienced. We are simply living someone elses memory, we are simply shadows of the past. All of our consciences are far to guilty to judge anyone else in my opinion.
I dont think you understand how much pain you cause me, how much sadness I am unwilling to share with you.
I wish you could see, through untainted eyes what you do to me and the wounds you inflict upon me. I wish you could see with an inbiased mind how badly those words that you speak to me hurt, and how much I wish you would learn from your mistakes.
Sometimes I feel so small that all I know how to do is curl up into a little ball at the bottom of my bed under all my sheets pretending nothing can harm me, that from here no words can reach me and no actions can affect me.
Sometimes I feel so small that I dont even have the courage to stand up to you, because like a small animal you spit and shout your words at me while you look down your nose at me thinking that you are so much better than me, that your words and opinions hold so much more authorities than the likes of mine ever will.
Sometimes I feel so small that I wish I was different, how pathetic that someone else who loves me can make me feel like I am not good enough, like I have to constantly change in order to make people happy and full fill their desires.
Sometimes I just want to cry and cry and cry, and sometimes I just want you to see what you have done, to feel bad for what you have done; feel bad enough that you never have to say those things again, that we never have to keep hitting these walls again and that neither of us have to feel so undeniably small and alone.
Sometimes I feel so small when I look up at the night sky and think of all the other people in the world, and realize how insignificant my life really is. Besides the close few people I have in my life the world would not miss my absence and time would not stand still. Sometimes I wish you all would realize this, that the world is so huge that you and your problems are all so fucking small that you all just think your on some bloody microcosm that just revolves around you.
Sometimes I wish you saw what I saw.
I mess up sometimes, but please, I am only human.
I wish you could see, through untainted eyes what you do to me and the wounds you inflict upon me. I wish you could see with an inbiased mind how badly those words that you speak to me hurt, and how much I wish you would learn from your mistakes.
Sometimes I feel so small that all I know how to do is curl up into a little ball at the bottom of my bed under all my sheets pretending nothing can harm me, that from here no words can reach me and no actions can affect me.
Sometimes I feel so small that I dont even have the courage to stand up to you, because like a small animal you spit and shout your words at me while you look down your nose at me thinking that you are so much better than me, that your words and opinions hold so much more authorities than the likes of mine ever will.
Sometimes I feel so small that I wish I was different, how pathetic that someone else who loves me can make me feel like I am not good enough, like I have to constantly change in order to make people happy and full fill their desires.
Sometimes I just want to cry and cry and cry, and sometimes I just want you to see what you have done, to feel bad for what you have done; feel bad enough that you never have to say those things again, that we never have to keep hitting these walls again and that neither of us have to feel so undeniably small and alone.
Sometimes I feel so small when I look up at the night sky and think of all the other people in the world, and realize how insignificant my life really is. Besides the close few people I have in my life the world would not miss my absence and time would not stand still. Sometimes I wish you all would realize this, that the world is so huge that you and your problems are all so fucking small that you all just think your on some bloody microcosm that just revolves around you.
Sometimes I wish you saw what I saw.
I mess up sometimes, but please, I am only human.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thank You
Dane Onorati, I love you, thank you.
Chloe de ville, words can not express my utter love and admiration for you, you have stolen my heart from nine years now and I never want it back. we have been through everything together, and we will continue to go through everything together. I love you like a sister and I am never letting you go.
Astrid Milne, the funniest person I know. the one with all the wit and all the answers. I love you like no other and you are like my other half, we have so much in common, and I can finish your sentences and read your mind. Our relationship kind of reminds me of Brad Pitt's and George Clooney's in oceans 11, you are forever my muggle best friend.
Sofi Leighton, the heart of my soul and the love of my life. Absolute best friend, absolute other half and absolute idol. I can spend countless hours lying in bed with you playing the guitar and talking about life. I have told you things I have never told anyone else, and you keep my secrets loyally. I miss you, please come back to me.
Claudia Rose snell, my rock, my shoulder and the person that I look far far up too. I cannot say thanks enough, I will always be here to love you.
Margaux Balducci, you are my twin, and my alter ego. We have literally been through hell and back, and I trust very few people, but for the past three years you have proved your loyalty to me one hundred times over, and through all the bullshit i have given you, just like a loyal friend you have come back to me, and my appreciation is over the moon. I will always come back to you.
Indianna Mccoy, what can I say! best friend for a good year now, spent all holidays together, and have created unforgettable memories. I tell you things I would never tell anyone, I have done things with you I would never do with anyone else. You my light, and you pick me back up, never leave me.
Rochelle Ritchie, my best friend for 15 years, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.
Michael Deck, things have changed and I know we dont talk much anymore, I know that we dont hang out anymore, but I do miss you, and you are still one of my best friends.
Mitchell Canty, things change, im sorry.
Wylie Miller, you make me laugh and I appreciate it at the worst of times.
Jackson Forbes, wisest guy I know, you are always looking out for me and you always will. Im sorry we have drifted, but I know you still care, and I love you for that.
Chloe de ville, words can not express my utter love and admiration for you, you have stolen my heart from nine years now and I never want it back. we have been through everything together, and we will continue to go through everything together. I love you like a sister and I am never letting you go.
Astrid Milne, the funniest person I know. the one with all the wit and all the answers. I love you like no other and you are like my other half, we have so much in common, and I can finish your sentences and read your mind. Our relationship kind of reminds me of Brad Pitt's and George Clooney's in oceans 11, you are forever my muggle best friend.
Sofi Leighton, the heart of my soul and the love of my life. Absolute best friend, absolute other half and absolute idol. I can spend countless hours lying in bed with you playing the guitar and talking about life. I have told you things I have never told anyone else, and you keep my secrets loyally. I miss you, please come back to me.
Claudia Rose snell, my rock, my shoulder and the person that I look far far up too. I cannot say thanks enough, I will always be here to love you.
Margaux Balducci, you are my twin, and my alter ego. We have literally been through hell and back, and I trust very few people, but for the past three years you have proved your loyalty to me one hundred times over, and through all the bullshit i have given you, just like a loyal friend you have come back to me, and my appreciation is over the moon. I will always come back to you.
Indianna Mccoy, what can I say! best friend for a good year now, spent all holidays together, and have created unforgettable memories. I tell you things I would never tell anyone, I have done things with you I would never do with anyone else. You my light, and you pick me back up, never leave me.
Rochelle Ritchie, my best friend for 15 years, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.
Michael Deck, things have changed and I know we dont talk much anymore, I know that we dont hang out anymore, but I do miss you, and you are still one of my best friends.
Mitchell Canty, things change, im sorry.
Wylie Miller, you make me laugh and I appreciate it at the worst of times.
Jackson Forbes, wisest guy I know, you are always looking out for me and you always will. Im sorry we have drifted, but I know you still care, and I love you for that.
Why does everything hurt so bloody much?
Why does every word feel like a sharp dagger that penetrates my heart faster than a bullet from a gun?
Why does every neglected feeling and untold thought hit me like some sort of invisible fast paced objects that knocks me over with uncomprehending force?
Why does ever accusation and assumption you make hurt me like the death of a loved one, or the loss of someone in my life?
Each word, each sentence spat from your forked tongue hurts me like you could never imagine.
I bruise like a pear, only my bruising is on the inside, and it is invisible to your untrained eye, and none of you even notice.
Why does every word feel like a sharp dagger that penetrates my heart faster than a bullet from a gun?
Why does every neglected feeling and untold thought hit me like some sort of invisible fast paced objects that knocks me over with uncomprehending force?
Why does ever accusation and assumption you make hurt me like the death of a loved one, or the loss of someone in my life?
Each word, each sentence spat from your forked tongue hurts me like you could never imagine.
I bruise like a pear, only my bruising is on the inside, and it is invisible to your untrained eye, and none of you even notice.
Love
Dane Jordan Onorati.
nine months you have put up with my shit, my tears, my whinging, my bitching, my laughter, my harry potter fetish and my utter obsession with you. I love you, and I could not ask for anyone better. We fight all the time, but dont worry that only adds character to our relationship. You are a beautiful man and I admire you every day, please never leave me.
inanimate
Pondering, our connection to inanimate objects, why do they hold so much value to us? what meaning could they hold? You cannot receive a kiss through an email or a touch through a text message.
Pondering, the relevance of our surroundings and the unknown need for security.
Pondering, the relevance of our surroundings and the unknown need for security.
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