p.s

The words I will never be able to speak to you, and hopefully you know who you are:

I dont know how to manage my anger very well. And I dont know what to think of the feelings I feel towards you, I feel so much hate, but now I am wondering if it is not actually hate but just so much sadness that over time has soured and become bitter sadness. Maybe thats what I feel towards you. Because I dont know if I have lived my life long enough to say I actually "hate" someone, or experienced something so tragic to make me "hate" someone. I really dont know what to do, I feel so much anger all the time, but its not towards you, I know it seems that way but... Its not. I just think somethings that happened went too deep to ever forget, and some scars heal but never fade. I do not hate you, but at the same time I am not able to welcome you with open arms as a friend yet either. If it ever came that we were face to face one day, I dont think I would ever hit you, or swear or say anything abusive all my courage would fail me, because in my heart I know its not hate, its just pure sadness, kept inside to rot.

I dont think I am yet ready to appologize, or admit I have any reason to, the pain goes to deep and quite frankly were both in the wrong, it just happens that I was the victim.

All this bitterness, and spite and horrible words between us is just going to fester and rot and get even worse, so I want it to stop, from now on no more bad feelings, It will not only make you feel bad, but also me myself for having such negativity inside me. This is the end of all this, I am not happy at the moment with you, But nor am i angry or hateful.

So this is the part where I step forward, take a big breath and take a plunge from what I knew as 'enemy' to just another respectable human being in my 'life'.